Everything changed in one day

I was 25 years old when IT HAPPENED.

I was only married to my husband for about a year and a half. We got married on April 8, 2006 and We had our son on July 8, 2006. Before I met my husband I was a single mother with a 4 year old little girl trying to manage life on my own. When My husband came into the picture my whole world became brighter. He was an angel from heaven. He helped me so much in a time when I needed it. He stepped in and became the best father and role model for my daughter. Life was going great. After I had my son we moved into a 2 family home with my in-law’s. They lived upstairs and we lived downstairs. They would both take turns helping us with the kids. My father in law was like a second father to me. He was married to my mother in law for 11 years and he as well stepped up to be a father/role model for my husband. I used to thank him for raising a perfect gentlemen and I was so lucky to have such wonderful, caring men in my life. Then boom. Everything changed in one day.

IT WAS: My father in law.

His plan was to rape and kill me that day, but by the grace of God I’m still here. His mother died and he left to take her to the Dominican Republic to have a burial service for her there. When he came back he seemed very different and distant. Naturally I assumed it was because he was still mourning the loss of his mother. So one day he came downstairs and asked me to go with him to his mother’s old apartment to ask the landlord for extra time to move out all her belongings. My father in law’s English is a little broken, so he asked me to translate for him. So I happily offered to help. What I didn’t know was that it was going to be the worst day of my life. So that morning my father in law and I headed off to his mothers house. On the car ride there he began to tell me that him and my mother in law have been fighting lately and  he expressed to me how unhappy he was in the relationship. I remember trying to give him support and letting him know that everything will be okay, but I brushed it off and didn’t really think anything of it. As we pulled up to his mothers house sure enough the landlord was waiting and as I was talking to him about allowing extra time to move out all the furniture I noticed my father in law getting very nervous and it seemed like he wanted the landlord to hurry up and leave. So we finished our conversation and he left. That’s when everything started. My father in law than began to ask me if I wanted to see a video of his brother who was a drag queen in the Dominican Republic and a dancer. I  started to feel a little uncomfortable but I said “okay”. He than told me to stay in the kitchen and he would call me into the living room when he was ready. I started to get a uneasy feeling but I stood there waiting anyways. So he called me in and as I sat down on the couch I saw on the TV a women and a man talking on a bed and I asked him if that was his brother, but no answer. He then fast forward the video and it became a man and a women naked on the bed having sex. I remember closing my eyes and told him “I’m not going to watch this” with my eyes still closed he grabbed my hand and placed it on his private part. That’s when I quickly jumped up and said “I want to go home” But he grabbed me and placed me on his lap. He then started to undo my pants. I remember telling him ” you don’t want to do this” ” you love your wife” “I love my husband” ” Please stop”. At that moment I closed my eyes hoping he would. Suddenly he pushed me off and told me to get out. I thought it was a trap. So I stood there. He then threw me the keys and said if you promise not to tell you can drive us back home. I remember as I was unlocking the door I looked down and to my left side there was a big black garbage bag, gloves and a bottle of bleach and I remember seeing myself in it. Then I opened the door and I walked right out of the house and drove us back home as if nothing ever happened.

Even though this only happened once It was enough for me to be traumatized forever.

IT MADE ME FEEL:

disgusting, It made me feel used, dirty. What he has done to me made me look at men differently. I’m not as trusting as I was before. It even made my relationship with my husband for many years differently. For a long time I wouldn’t let my husband touch me. It was like a video that would play over and over in my mind of what happened that day. A few years after I couldn’t even allow my husband to make love to me, because all I would picture is what my father in law did to me.

I TOLD:

My husband and my mother in law that same day. When we got home from his mother’s house I told him that I needed to put my kids to bed and that he had to leave. So he shut the door and went upstairs. My mother in law left for church and I was waiting for my husband to come home from work. I started to get nervous so I packed my kids bags and was going to drive to the police station and report what he did to me but then I heard a car outside so I looked out the window to see my father in law parking his car in back of mine so that I couldn’t leave. When my husband got home I broke down crying and told him everything. He then called his mother and told her to leave church and come home right away. When she came in she saw how upset I was. I told her I was so sorry, and I began to tell her what happened. She hugged me and said everything was going to be okay. The next thing I knew my father in law was packing his bags in his car and left. My mother in law kicked him out and that was the end of their 11 year marriage. A 11 year marriage that I felt responsible for ending.

I SURVIVED:

No! Survived to me means I just barely made it. I AM AN OVERCOMER. I said in the beginning of my story that by the grace of God I’still alive, and I truly believe that it was God who saved me. Today I am 34 years old, I have given my life to Christ and he has shown me my purpose in life. To understand that my circumstances in life don’t make me who I am. That with God anything is possible and because of him I have been able to heal, to love, to trust, To FORGIVE. without God none of those things are possible. God was with me that day and showed me what true evil looks like. I stared evil in the face but I’m still standing and today I’m stronger than ever. I never told the police because my mother in law asked me not to.  Because my father in law asked me not to, I never got justice because I was uneducated on what sexual abuse is. I knew that what he did to me was wrong, but I didn’t have enough knowledge to stand up for what was right. Today he is still out there hurting others. Through all of this my husband has been my biggest supporter, our marriage is stronger than ever, his unconditional love has shown me what true love is. Our first year of marriage was the hardest but we overcame it and now together we can face any obstacle that comes our way.

I WANT: Other survivors & overcomers of abuse to know that telling our stories will help us heal so that we can heal others. There are so many people in this world who are suffering alone, who don’t have a voice, who are living in fear. We are their voice! We need to break the silence. I’m telling my story to protect my children, to protect other children, and speak out to say STOP. ENOUGH. NO MORE. I’m dedicating the rest of my life to educating others on how to prevent sexual abuse. I cannot save the world, but if I can save one life, That one life will make all the difference.

I dedicate my story to my daughter who is my hero because she also is a victim, an overcomer of sexual abuse who finally came out last year and told me her story. She is so brave and so strong and because of her I’m able to finally tell mine. Except this time I will be fighting to get her justice!

Elizabeth Rodriguez

Parent Advocate

Facebook: A Mothers Love/ raising awareness on sexual abuse

This blog post is copyrighted and cannot be republished without the expressed written consent of the author and The Mama Bear Effect.